The Atheists’ Guide to finding a Bible, Part 1

I haven’t started reading the Bible yet. Problem is, I don’t own a Bible. So…where to find one?

I have this terrible idea that Bibles are all produced in a Dickensian factory somewhere: giant industrial machines churning noisily, flocks of sooty rag-clad nine-year-old amputees slaving away on 16-hour shifts for mere pennies a day, all the while lorded over by a cadre of wizened tyrannical nuns.

This is probably not (exactly) the way it works. However, a lot of Bibles are made by Christian groups who do a lot of proselytizing, and I’d really like to avoid giving money to groups that are going to spend that money trying to convert me. So my first task is to explore where an Atheist should by (and should NOT) find a Bible.

As it turns out, if you want to read your Bible, you have three basic options. You can 1) buy the book, 2) read it online, or 3) get one for free. Options two and three will come later, but today:

Here’s your Guide to Buying a Bible like an Atheist.

Based on perusing booksellers on the internets, and checking the websites of Bible publishing companies (or, “ministries” as they may call themselves), here’s a list of secular and overtly religious organizations to get bibles from. Of course, I’m not going to suggest buying anything from the churchy ones. This is certainly not an extensive list, but it looks like these are the major options in Bible publishers. Basically, all of these publishers offer a variety of editions (cheapo, large print, extra holy, etc).

Secular Publishers to Support:

Plume (Penguin Group)

Oxford University Press. Who knew they sold Bibles?

Churchy Publishers to Avoid

These are sorted roughly in order of how much their websites scared me, scariest first:

Crossway Bibles (Good News and Crossway), "Good News Publishers is a not-for-profit Christian ministry and exists solely for the purpose of proclaiming the gospel through publishing and all other means in order, by God's grace"

American Bible Society, “Sharing God’s Word with the World”
Zondervan (the name just SOUNDS evil)

B & H Publishing Group (who, interestingly, also publishes books by Chuck Norris)

Thomas Nelson

Hendrickson Publishers

Catholic Book Publishing

Opening remarks

Yes, welcome to Atheists’ Bible Study! I, like Susan, was raised without religion (though perhaps not raised ‘atheist’). Unlike Susan, however, I was raised in the Deep South, and was therefore unrelentingly proselytized by evangelicals and fundamentalists until I was old enough to escape to a more secular part of the world. I understand that the Bible is an important document in our culture, but have never made it through the book myself. I did try to read the Bible once, but probably didn’t even make it through Genesis (parts of The Good Book are Really Boring, if I recall).

Honestly, I am actually really interested in reading the Bible. I’ve heard SOOOO much about this book, it better be amazing. I’ve got a lot of questions and themes that I’ll be thinking about while I’m reading. I’m really interested in the history of how the Bible was written – who wrote what, when, and why; and also in how the books of the Bible have changed over time. What does the Bible actually say about evolution? What texts were stolen from other religions? Does anything in the Bible represent a “new” religion, or is it all pieced together from religions before it? Why are some parts of the Bible disproportionately fixated upon by Christians (the parts about condemning homosexuality and divorce), while others are totally ignored (the proper way to sacrifice ones’ daughters, or about not eating shellfish). How can any thinking person actually believe this is "the word of God" given how butchered it has been by thousands of years of humans?

Just for the record, I’ll probably be considerably more anti-religion than Susan (representing lingering issues from my childhood amongst the fundamentalists, I suppose). Specifically, I feel that religious thinking has not always been a positive influence on our society (i.e. church-supported racism and homophobia, the anti-intellectualism of “creationism” or ”intelligent design”, the Taliban and 9/11) and that churches should own up to that. Also for the record, I often tend towards heated diatribes, which I will be happy to post if I'm in the mood. I will try to be constructive, but this does not mean I will hold back if I’m feeling strongly about something. And I am not one to shy away from controversy.

So here we go…

Welcome to the Atheist Bible Study!

As someone raised atheist, I never really understood what the big fuss was about the bible. Sure, I could recite the Lord's Prayer (thanks to a few summers at camp), and I knew a few bible stories from friends with such inclinations, but it never figured big in my consciousness. A few years ago, though, I got a job playing the piano at a church. I was amazed how many of the sermons and bible readings had passages that sounded familiar, often ideas or images that I'd run across in literature. I realized what an important touchstone the bible is in Western culture, whether or not we like to admit it. And so I decided to read the bible, actually read it from cover to cover and see these ideas at their source.

A couple of days ago I was visiting my friend Steven, who admitted to having the same thoughts. We decided to start an atheist bible study, looking at the bible through the lenses of literature, philosophy, history, and science... pretty much any perspective except that of blind faith.

The last time I made a resolution to read the bible, I was 17 and had just had my wisdom teeth out. I was lying on the couch all woozy, with my face swollen to three times normal size, and I thought, "I'll read the bible! Yes! Cover to cover!" Such are the effects of whatever they used to knock me out... That time, I only got as far as all the "begats" in Genesis, and gave up on it. This time, I'm up to Leviticus, finding out about all the abominations and still going strong.

I am amazed how many things in the bible just don't make any sense, and how many things get quoted out of context. Hopefully with Steven as co-explorer, along with any other atheist bible studiers out there who want to join in with comments, we can start trying to understand it, or at least get an idea of where some of the weirdness comes from. So, welcome to all the atheist bible studiers out there!