The Atheists’ Guide to finding a Bible, Part 1

I haven’t started reading the Bible yet. Problem is, I don’t own a Bible. So…where to find one?

I have this terrible idea that Bibles are all produced in a Dickensian factory somewhere: giant industrial machines churning noisily, flocks of sooty rag-clad nine-year-old amputees slaving away on 16-hour shifts for mere pennies a day, all the while lorded over by a cadre of wizened tyrannical nuns.

This is probably not (exactly) the way it works. However, a lot of Bibles are made by Christian groups who do a lot of proselytizing, and I’d really like to avoid giving money to groups that are going to spend that money trying to convert me. So my first task is to explore where an Atheist should by (and should NOT) find a Bible.

As it turns out, if you want to read your Bible, you have three basic options. You can 1) buy the book, 2) read it online, or 3) get one for free. Options two and three will come later, but today:

Here’s your Guide to Buying a Bible like an Atheist.

Based on perusing booksellers on the internets, and checking the websites of Bible publishing companies (or, “ministries” as they may call themselves), here’s a list of secular and overtly religious organizations to get bibles from. Of course, I’m not going to suggest buying anything from the churchy ones. This is certainly not an extensive list, but it looks like these are the major options in Bible publishers. Basically, all of these publishers offer a variety of editions (cheapo, large print, extra holy, etc).

Secular Publishers to Support:

Plume (Penguin Group)

Oxford University Press. Who knew they sold Bibles?

Churchy Publishers to Avoid

These are sorted roughly in order of how much their websites scared me, scariest first:

Crossway Bibles (Good News and Crossway), "Good News Publishers is a not-for-profit Christian ministry and exists solely for the purpose of proclaiming the gospel through publishing and all other means in order, by God's grace"

American Bible Society, “Sharing God’s Word with the World”
Zondervan (the name just SOUNDS evil)

B & H Publishing Group (who, interestingly, also publishes books by Chuck Norris)

Thomas Nelson

Hendrickson Publishers

Catholic Book Publishing